How to Deal With Secondhand Stress–Without Going Bonkers
By: Bean Jones
One of the best ways to fight off all sorts of stress is to do something you love. You can de-stress by taking in your favorite seaside scenery.
You can’t help but feel the strain when you’re dealing with another person’s stress. Just like secondhand smoke, this sort off stress can affect everyone else.
Hot Points
Dr. Brad Gilbreath, associate professor of organizational leadership and supervision at Indiana State University-Purdue University at Fort Wayne, explains: “Other people’s excessive stress or ongoing stress pollutes the environment. It erodes civility and causes anxiety. A stressed person is a loose cannon. You never know what is going to set him or her off.”
In fact, secondhand stress may be more harmful to you. “Generally speaking, the people most likely to cause you secondhand stress are those closest to you. With firsthand stress, after all, you can act. You can confront your problems or attempt a resolution. With secondhand stress, often you can’t do much than stand there and take it,” writes Caroline Hwang in “Is Stress Contagious?”
Stress Busters
Fortunately, there are things you can do to avoid being bogged down by secondhand stress.
1. Regulate your emotions. Resist the urge to impose your own way of dealing with things on the stressed out person. Though his or her rants and coping mechanisms may baffle you, you shouldn’t attempt to make him or her see it your way. If you do this, your move may be seen as an act of hostility or emotional cruelty. It will only make things worse. Sometimes, the best thing for you to do is to just be there. Opt for sympathetic silence. It works better than know-it-all pronouncements that could just set off or overwhelm the stressed-out individual.
2. Speak your mind. There are people whose stress levels are already toxic–so much so that everyone walks on eggshells when they’re around. When you’re dealing with one of these toxic individuals, it’s best to be upfront about how his or her behavior is driving people nuts. There’s no need for the conversation to get heated. You can tell him or her, “I know you’re really having a hard time–but you’re scaring off everyone else with your hostile vibes. Please don’t take it out on us. We’re not the enemy. We’re all for giving you the space you need to deal with this.”
3. Do fun stuff for yourself. If you regularly come into contact with your stressors, you have to find time to get away from them. Then, to neutralize any secondhand stress you may have absorbed, you must do things that make you feel good. So, take a walk in the park or concentrate on your hobby. Listening to your favorite songs and watching a funny movie will also help you reduce stress.
Strategic Success
By using these strategies, you can deal with secondhand stress without getting stressed out yourself. Other people’s stress will only be able to contaminate you if you don’t take simple steps to preserve your sanity.
As Hwang observes, “Certainly, there’s nothing wrong with trying to protect and comfort someone. But when doing so increases your primary stress load, it can jeopardize your relationship with the very person you want to help.”
Credits: Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.
